Monday, 13 May 2013

Sex and Flutters

OK so last week I just went on about how I was feeling. This week I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to. I went swimming! Mum and I took my son swimming which was brilliant for 2 reasons. Firstly because he finally seems to be emerging from the being obsessed with Daddy only phase and was genuinely excited to be with me in the pool….every time I went off to do some lengths he spent the time bellowing after me and waving frantically! VERY CUTE and made me feel privileged as I don’t normally receive such enthusiasm from him! And Secondly because as I was swimming one of those lengths I felt NORMAL….I suddenly felt like “oh wow, this is how you’re SUPPOSED to feel when you are pregnant….I am doing a normal pregnancy thing! Next I’ll be doing pregnancy yoga and massaging my perineum!” OK I didn’t really think that last bit…..

It did feel like a total revelation to me. 

And then it also made me think…..So this pregnancy IS different. If that’s the case, am I definitely having a boy? I’m 16 weeks tomorrow so I haven’t had my sexing scan yet. But ever since I was a kid, I’ve always KNOWN I’ll only ever have boys. Yeah this IS ridiculous, it’s not based on any scientific fact or ANYTHING but I’m still convinced. And I don’t mind…I LOVE boys and I especially love little boys (however boisterous and noisy and relentless they are *eyeballs son*). But I can’t help thinking that when (ok IF) I find out it’s a boy, I might be sad never to have had a girl. I will be DELIGHTED with whatever and sincerely mean that. In fact I am wanting to find out so that I can get used to the idea and not have even a flicker of disappointment on their chosen day of arrival….just in case that’s a possibility. Am I even making sense here?!

I only think I will be sad because I really, really cherish the relationship I have with my mum and my grandma and had with my nana. Girls are (in my experience….before you jump down my throat and accuse me of sexism!) generally more thoughtful and considerate as daughters. They tend to remember birthdays and care about things like Mother’s day etc. E.g. if it wasn’t for me, my mum would have had 15 years’ worth of Elton John tapes (it was the 80’s!) and Mars bars in her Xmas stocking every year! This is a really shallow pathetic thing to admit isn’t it?! I want a girl so she buys me nice presents!!!! Well considering it’s the first thing I’ve mentioned it MUST be true!!! Hopefully I am not ACTUALLY that completely shallow and materialistic. Other reasons are having someone who sympathises with you on an emotional/hormonal level, someone you can go on girlie days out with and go shopping with.

Of course this is potentially moot if I have a girl that’s a complete tom boy who is emotionally stunted and my son turns out to be a super-sensitive mummy’s boy! (Unlikely given his history so far, swimming or NO swimming!) . SO I know you can never tell. I’ll probably be far more concerned about getting them thru their exams with theirs/our sanity intact let alone wistfully thinking of spa days and bellinis!

Thinking quite far ahead here aren’t I?! I wonder how I will feel about this all in 15 years’ time?! Anyway the point is, I feel excited because I really just don’t think I DO know what it’s going to be. Less than a month til I find out…..yey!!!!

Oh and this week I felt the he-she move! I was lying in the bath and felt the funny, tickly feeling of what I guess was some mini somersaults! It was lovely! I’ve missed that feeling. For months after having my son I had phantom movements…..I loved it. It’s the one truly lush thing about being duffed up I think. A friend of mine said recently that she still gets phantom kicks even now and her youngest is about 9!

Btw I don’t have any photos of myself again this week. There’s not much to see….I did want to get one of my weird shaped bump but I can’t be bothered with doing a selfie today. I’ll try and take some when I am at the Spa on Wednesday. 

See you on the flipside!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I really just don’t even know what that means………….)

1 comment :

  1. I love you Jess and I'm glad this one seems to be getting easier! xxx


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