Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Alternative Christmas Gift Ideas For Parents.


It's that time of year again, just after Hallowe'en, where thoughts turn from spooky masks and bonfires to something more festive and sugary cinnamon tinged.... Yes. My favourite time of year ladies and gentlemen. I am almost feeling SICK with excitement. 



A popular thing to see in magazines, sunday supplements and online publications, are gift guides. And I've had a brilliant idea *she notes, modestly*. I have come up with an ALTERNATIVE Christmas ideas list for parents. These are ALL things I would pay through the nose for. Every single item on this list is a must-have for parents. And without further ado, I shall introduce the items. 

"Calm Waters" Spray

Calm Waters spray comes in three delightful flavours: Bedtime, Bathtime and Mealtimes. It's a lovely, gently scented spray to use whenever things are starting to get juuusssst a little fraught at those potentially problematic times of the day. Just one little spritz from this clever little chap and those ridiculous tantrums will fizzle away to nothing, leaving a calm and serene time to be had by all. RRP: Don't care, just bung it in the trolley. 





Stop The Fight Lipbalm

A cheeky little stocking filler, this clever lipbalm, once slathered on the crusty lips of your dearly beloved offspring will immediately pacify even the fiestiest of performances! No more hair-pulling, eye-gouging, nail-digging, face-scramming, head-punching scraps between little snotty-nosed Clarabell and spitty-faced Tarquin! They'll be a thing of the past with this superb little nub! Gender neutral colour to abate the fussy little so and so's. RRP: OMG where have you been all my life?



School Run Sweeping Brush

An utter essential for all parents of school aged children. Just pluck the little blighters fresh from their pit and pop them in front of this fabulous brush. One big sweep out the door and they will be fully clothed, watered and fed ready for the school run. Bonus upgrade for the monstrously disorganised amongst us: a nifty little attachment will also pack lunches, find dog-eared homework, miscellaneous costumes, sign permission slips and remember the ten thousandth request for some charitable cause. RRP: Hell to the yes. We'll take the upgrade, STAT. 

Guilt-Free Babysitter Voucher

How about an evening of guilt free childcare for his n hers / hers n hers / his n his pleasure? This amazing voucher will allow you to have an evening unfettered by the worry of returning the favour, sticking to weird terms, early curfews or even the dreaded small talk upon your sozzled return as you struggle to remain upright and sober at the end of your fantastic guilt free night out. The voucher will enable the babysitter to simply evaporate the minute you arrive home, allowing you to collapse face first into your bed with no worries that you've said something inappropriate to the poor bugger. Again. RRP: I'll take all you've got and I'll buy the business. 

Lastly but by no means least, the most hallowed of all wishes for parents this Christmas....

Gift Card for 8 Hours Sleep

A gift card which entitles the proprietor to a solid, uninterrupted 8 hours of gorgeous, plump, sweet as chocolate sleep! No bed sharing, no snoring, no screaming kids, no overly amourous/needy pets, no expectations of half arsed fumble. Just sweet, sweet sleep. Upgrade to the deluxe 10 hour edition exclusive for parents of infernal, nocturnal creatures. RRP: Priceless.

So there we have it. A collection of the most sought after presents for all parents this Christmas. See your local dealer for stock levels. I imagine these will sell like hot cakes! Happy shopping! 

UPDATE: Now with added video version of the post at the bottom! :) 







42 comments :

  1. haha brilliant! I would add a fairy that clears away all the toys too! :D

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  2. Amazing hahahaha I love them all! X

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  3. what a brilliant list! my favourite are defiantly the last 2! who needs presents when you can have SLEEP!! #GiftGuideLinky

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  4. Love this list I would like the sweeping brush for the school run and if I could have one for getting ready for work that would be great too. Do you have any shopping pixies that constantly refill the fridge for you?

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  5. This is inspired! But the school run sweeping brush is definitely at the top of my xmas list :) Alison x #StayClassyMama

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  6. Fantastic! These are the best gifts I have ever seen

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  7. I love the lippy. It's such a good idea and as you say perfect stocking fillers - they might even have to go into a Christmas eve box!

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  8. These look like great ideas. The calming spray sounds neat! I love to see old Christmas pictures, the last one is great :)

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    1. I love them! I found a great blog that has loads of free Victorian Christmas images!

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  9. Couldn't stop laughing, don't forget the cleaning fairy for Christmas day and new year

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  10. I LOVE this gift guide. If you could add calorie free chocolate that would be fab!
    Alana x

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    1. Of course! And fat free cheese that still tastes amaze! Xx

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  11. I can only imagine how many of my friends would like the 8 hour sleep voucher!

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  12. This post should be an idea on a crowdfunding site. Almost every bleary-eyed parent would be grunting approval and reaching for their (almost) maxed out credit cards to throw their last few pennies at you. This Dragon is In.

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  13. I need a school run sweeping brush!!!

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  14. Oh my gosh I want them all!! This is by far the best Christmas gift guide I have ever seen x

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  15. Lol, these are very different what a great idea. I love the idea of the calm waters spray and the stop the fight lip balm I think I could do with both for my little ones ;-)

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  16. Absolutely love this it brilliant and I can safely safe I would actually love a few items of this list 8 hours sleep what's that

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  17. THIS IS GENIUS! I have yet to experience the perils of the school run, but a gift card for 8 hours sleep and a guilt free night out sound DELIGHTFUL.

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  18. Fab ideas, I would love the gift of 8 hours sleep x

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  19. Haha I could do with the school run sweeping brush! Thanks for linking up to the #giftguidelinky

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  20. Make this the year that you early Christmas shop. Most holiday shoppers usually wait until the very last minute which is seen with the crowds of people at the mall and other shopping centers and the resulting stress. Waiting until December to find Christmas presents also means that if you are using a credit card, you will have a large credit card bill in the new year to pay off. Early Christmas shopping for the best Christmas gifts allows you to spread out your expenses on Christmas presents.
    Virginia E. Vang

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  21. Loving this Gift Guide!!! Especially the guilt-free babysitting voucher - in total need of that one!!!

    Laura x

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  22. ooooo I could definitely use the babysitter card, and the 8 hours of sleep (but to be fair my son is finally sleeping through the night, thanks god....or thank Santa!) Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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