Mrs Helicopter Writes

I have just had the misfortune of making 3 separate attempts at trying to produce a photo that Customs and Excise will feel is the truest representation of my face. At a cost of fifteen, FIFTEEN of your British Earth Pounds! I tell you! I don’t have that kind of money to fanny around with! I’m already being robbed blind paying out nearly £100 smackers for the privilege of having an up-to-date passport just so I can prove that I am MYSELF in any given situation (because it sure as hell isn’t anything as fun as a HOLIDAY. Although the “fun-ness” of holidays at my time of life is debated here …). In the photo it’s required that there is a white background, my head needs to sit neatly between two markers on the screen, I must have nothing on my face, neck, head. I must show no facial expression and DEFINITELY NO SMILING. Official guidelines here . Photo 1: It was rejected by the kind ladies at the post office counter who after much too-ing and fro-ing because I wa...

Why do people moan on social media? My big, moaning face. You know the ones I mean, the ones who moan that they “haven’t sat down all day” and “every flipping traffic light was red” and “ugh, someone didn’t change the bog roll AGAIN” and “shit, the kids have been utter bastards ALL DAY AND I NEED WINE”. Familiar? That’s because you probably follow me. I’m that person. So why do I do it? Why do I think anyone ever wants to read me moaning like a miserable, old cow? Because it’s life. It’s normal for people to have things to moan about in their daily life. It’s how us lovely Brits like to get through the day! Especially if you happen to mention the weather (and how shit it is!). Absolutely no one can go to bed and say their day has been perfect from start to end. Unless they are a) lying or b) have had a lobotomy. Because everyone can relate to it. Everyone knows how frustrating it is to get to a bus stop as the bus pulls off; or how annoying it is when someo...