Friday, 18 August 2017

Day 3

I'm sorry. Back again.

That's a strong start eh? Heheh. I do make myself laugh. Talking of which, I've done a little video on Facebook. I kind of wonder why I do it. Like, am I desperate for fame? Am I insecure and need the validation of making people laugh? Yes I guess so. I do love it when I know I've raised a smile. But seeing the post of me bouncing around in front of the camera "showing off" (as my husband says)..... I look annoying as fuck. I definitely don't think I'd click on that video. In fact I'm almost sure I'd want to punch my own lights out. I look like that obnoxious toad Russell Kane. Ughggh.

Wow full of self confidence and love tonight eh? Look I promise by Monday I'll come up with a really strong post idea and blow you all out of the water. "You all".... hehehe. And by you, I of course mean me. The sole person reading this nonsense.

I've started biting the skin around my nails really badly at the moment. I know that's a sign of stress but not sure what in particular I am stressed about. Probably this mid life crisis I'm having. I really should just knuckle down and write something inspiring and brilliant that I am proud of. Instead of fannying around here in cyber space. Do people say cyber space anymore? Seems like quite a 90s thing to say.

Ok I might leave it there for tonight. As you can see, really nothing to say. Night night cyber land!

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Day 2 of my boring posts.

Hello you guys. Well this one is defo gonna be a bit pants because I'm writing it on my iPad. Also I don't have anything to write other than stuff I've done. But I'm keeping my promise to myself. I am writing everyday. Whoop!

So what did I do yesterday? It was our last night kid free. They've been staying with their grandparents for the previous few nights. So it's the first time in 7 years we've had the house to ourselves. The first night one of our cats decided she was going to have an ear infection which needed an emergency trip to the vets, which was quite frankly pretty selfish of her. But that's her ALL over. Anyway we made the most of the evening afterwards by having non kids style pasta pesto (e.g. With veg) and Game of Thrones with wine. Yaaaas!

I haven't been sleeping brilliantly so despite the mini lie in, i was pretty zonked the next day. I think we kind of wasted our kid free evening then because we were so tired. But when you don't have kids to fill your evenings, they are soooo long! I went to bed at 9.30pm which I haven't done since Joni was a baby purely because I felt like I'd already had my evening. Still didn't sleep til after 1.30am though. Am I menopausal already?! I'm only 41!

Last night though, we made the best of it. We rang some old friends and met them down the local for some pints. It was ace. God I literally feel like I'm writing a teenage diary. Actually I think I was more articulate and interesting as a teen. This is dull as dishwater.

Oh also yesterday morning I'd face timed with a very old friend in oz. She'd written a book a few years ago and we were talking about writing fiction. I tried a short story a little while ago and I found it excruciating! I've never written fiction but because I read quite a lot and write lot of non fiction stuff, I thought it would come a bit more naturally. It flipping didn't. After agonising over what I wanted the story to be about, what was my MESSAGE, how would I make the characters edgy and engaging, how could I make sure i was being "inclusive" but not culturally appropriating or disrespectful.... I got a few paragraphs in and gave up. It was bloody impossible! Every line i seemed to write was a cliché. Flipping heck. How do people write WHOLE books? GOOD books that don't sound like a 5th formers (year 10?!) essay?! I certainly have a new found respect for my friends who have successfully written fiction. Talking to Amy though definitely helped. She agreed that it was really hard. I feel like I should try again but I'm so embarrassed about how shit I am.

Anyways this morning my daughter was brought back to me which was lovely. She was very happy and we had a nice day of mooching around. Then my father in law bought my son back. He was very tired and a bit strung out on sugar and too many presents. He'd had a great time but what often happens with him when he's tired is he will bottle up all his frustration and irritability until he's home. As soon as grandpa left he just collapsed into an angry, tired mess. I totally understood. I can't say I didn't get a bit cross when we were getting ready for bed and I was being met with a wall of anger and rudeness/tantrums. But obviously that just made him worse. He went to bed sobbing. It's made me really sad. Sad for him that he's feeling so overwhelmed and tired and sad for me because I was so looking forward to seeing him. I know that's very selfish of me to be sad. I'm really sad at myself for being cross at all. And feeling guilty that I didn't let it completely wash over me because I knew why he was upset. Ugh.

But tomorrow is another day. Hopefully we will have a lovely day and tomorrow I'll write a glowing report of our brilliant fun day. Or something.

Because smileys aren't really the done thing in blogs... just imagine I've put the side smirk smiley at the end of that sentence.

See you tomo dear diary!!!! Xxxxx

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

I am my own blog of the day!

Hello world. Yes, WORLD. I am fully confident that the entire world reads my witty words. You poor loves, you've been waiting for months for me to grace you with my presence again. How have you coped? 

Ok enough of the sarcasm. Why am I here, dusting off the ol' keyboard and dribbling out nonense words yet again? Well quite frankly....

I am having a midlife, existential crisis.

It sounds dramatic. It's NOT that dramatic. Just, since I decided to pull the plug on blogging last year...I've kind of been faffing around trying to find something to get enthusiastic about, something that will give me a purpose other than being a "mum" or "someone who does some work in an office". 

I did think that this would be the year I'd throw myself into my health and fitness. It started well. But then stopped. I don't know myself very well do I? I don't know why I think this time will be different from any of the others. 

Anyway. It’s now August. And instead of coming up with a brilliant way to spend my kid free time… in the evenings, some lunchtimes and a few snatched hours here and there on the weekends. What have I done with that spare time? Have I spent it writing notes and planning a plot structure/character back stories for my best selling debut novel? Have I buggery. Have I created a successful following on Youtube and become a highly subscribed, viral vlogger? Nope. Have I spent my time researching ways I can become a better person, worked on my own inner peace and learnt the delicate art of mediation and personal reflection? Um…. What about cooking more nutritious meals and making more home made good stuff for the kiddies? What about reading more and expanding my mind? What about taking up a regular form of exercise that isn’t lifting a wine glass to my lips and down again?


I’ve spent 8 months effectively doing NOTTTTTTTTTHIIIIIIINGGGGGGGGG!!!!
OK, not quite nothing. I’ve been vegged in front of the tv, endlessly scrolling through my feeds of pages of “top 10 cats in dungerees” posts or playing on my favourite ipad game (currently Hidden City: Mystery of Shadows…OBSESSED!).
I am such a lazy slob! My brain is atrophying!
So. I’ve made a weird decision. I am going to write again. That’s not the weird bit. The weird thing is….I don’t know what I am going to write about. I am just forcing myself to write everyday from now until 16th September. So it’ll probably be a boring diary of what I’ve done. That’s the weird bit. It’s literally going to interest NOBODY. Not even me. But I figure that if I write even nonsense everyday for a month, then its gotta help me want to write more, surely? And then I’ll be a famous writer, the end. Or something.

Anyway that’s my weird/boring idea. I am going to effectively write an online diary for a month and that will lead me to great, great things.
That’s the first post done, PHEW! *rewards hard work with big sit down*

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Wobbly but Naked - Embrace it!

I love being naked. Just gimme some hot, hot heat and I’ll strip in a jiff! Are you beach ready yet? Or are you a quivering mess of bodily self-hatred, meekly prodding at your orange peel thighs with an increasing feeling of dread and horror that as the temperature sores you will be forced to bear these bad boys to the big bad judgey-mc judgepants world?

Well I am here to tell you…. DON’T BE THAT GUY!*


I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter! No one REALLY cares what you look like. At the beach no one really will be scrutinising your love handles or baulking over your muffin top. Everyone is far more interested in what THEY look like! So be the winner and say STUFF it….and get those chubby bits out!

On honeymoon in Sardinia. No fucks given. 

It will feel weird and scary to begin with…. It’s natural to feel like you’re being judged when you do something new…but remember, there’s probably NO ONE actually watching and the rewards are ace! Be BRAVE! It’s the just first hurdle you need to get over. Just pop that t-shirt off and sit back, relax and realise no one has any fucks to give about it. Least of all your kids who see you as a MUMTRONor DADTRON.

Embracing the chub. Showing OFF the chub even

Once you’ve done a bit of flesh baring…you’ll realise how BRILLIANT it is. It’s so freeing! Next step…get in the sea or in the pool and whip off your bikini top. Ok so I’m not advocating doing this at the local swimming baths…perhaps if you have a private pool with your holiday villa or choose a bit of sea that’s empty… the feeling of free boobies in the water is a joy that can rarely be reproduced! I’m sure it must feel similar to lightly bobbing testes in the undulating swell! Lovely!  

Topless a step too far? Well ease yourself in. Perhaps just try lying in your garden with more bits out than you’d normally share with the world. And build up to being naked or MORE naked from there. Only YOU can be the orchestrator of your own bodily freedom!

Ooh I’m starting to sound like the Gok Wan of blogging! Except I haven’t mentioned “empowerment, darling”… yet.

OK so seriously, I know it’s easier said than done…. I’ve already stated that I like being naked. My parents were always naked around us. It wasn’t even a thing to them. (Much to my horror as teenager, obviously, but I got over it). They weren’t crazy naturists…I think we went to a nudist camp when I was 6 months old but that was as far as their public nudity foray went. And for cripes’ sake, it WAS the 70s!  Everyone was hairy and naked at some point in that decade! So I think that just gave me a lack of self-consciousness about nakedness from a very early age.

Me, naked at 6 weeks old!

I wasn’t an overweight kid or teenager so perhaps I may have been more self-conscious if I had been. However, in my early 20s I put on a lot of weight. I was no longer acceptable as a naked / scantily-clad person in public. But although I knew my body was disgusting to other people (and to be fair, I felt it was disgusting too) it didn’t stop me going to the beach and wearing a bikini or going swimming regularly.

It’s not that I think I look amazing. I don’t walk around in hot pants and crop tops. I do dress to hide some of the wobbliest bits and enhance the less wobbly. It’s just that, when I get somewhere where I want to be naked (pool, beach, back garden).... it's like a switch goes off in my head. An “I don’t care” switch. And out it all comes!

Also it’s sometimes the more practical option…. I often do the housework naked on the weekends because I get too hot and then have a shower and dress afterwards. Common sense innit?

I am the same around my kids…. They will see me naked forever, unless it makes them feel uncomfortable. I don’t intend hosting birthday parties in the buff but you know what I mean. I want to be as good an example to them as my parents were to me.

So you see, you could be doing it for them too! Teach them to not be ashamed of their bodies! Hooray!

Now how about it? Put down your tea, gingerly step out into the back garden and fling off that top! YES! FREE THE BOOBIES!!! And then come right back here and tell me it doesn’t feel amazing!!!!! Go! NOW!!!

*wiggles naked boobies and wobbly belly*

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Is Comparison The Thief of Joy?

After the events in Manchester this week I’ve been thinking a lot about comparisons in life. At a time like this you can’t help but look for deeper meaning in the universe....and for me part of that is about comparing what I have with what others do. When scary events shake your sense of stability in the world… families and friends devastated for the rest of their lives for daring to go to concert and have fun…. It's inevitable to feel grateful for your life and the life of your loved ones. The horror and sadness you feel for the victims and their families and the gratitude and relief you feel for your babies/partners/siblings/parents/friends will be overwhelming. As the clichéd memes proclaim, you WILL want to hug your loved ones a little closer.

So that’s a comparison. Obviously. A positive comparison, right?

But, hang on. Aren’t we taught that "comparison is the thief of joy"? Cos according to good ol' Teddy Roosevelt it is!

How can that make sense? That’s exactly the type of comparison that gives us perspective. Surely it’s serves a perfect tool to keep us grounded when things are going a bit cray cray?

Well. Comparison can also be a harbinger of doom too. There have been several articles in the media about how social media is making us saddums because most people only post the heavily filtered highlights of their life. And if you constantly compare your life with those who you perceive as more successful or rich or ….whatever it is that you want but don’t have….. (In my case thinnyness!) Of course you are going to feel a cavernous emptiness and worthlessness that will be hard to crawl back out of.

I have to admit, I’m a bit of a coveter. I like a good covet. I’ve previously admitted a (now-not-so-secret) morbid fascination with The Kardashians. I love watching their wealth. I know that’s a truly vulgar thing to admit but I looooove seeing their life style. Their perfect make up, their non-moving faces, their pristine, maHoooosive houses, their endless holidays and trips to restaurants, their huge cars, their lovely, straightened shiny hair! It makes me want all their things! I want to have endless holidays and perfect hair and fake skin! It makes me strive to be better disciplined in my eating and exercise, it makes me want to present a smarter appearance to the outside world…If I could tap into just a little bit of their glamorousness….wouldn’t my life just be a teensy bit better?

It’s a common thought process: if I just had a BIT more money, if I was just a BIT better at eating healthy, if I just did a BIT more exercise then then then….

Personally I have been finding it really hard not to wish away the time until my youngest is in full time school. We’re on our knees with childcare fees and every month it’s a financial struggle. So sometimes I can’t help but compare our situation to others who don’t seem to struggle so much financially.

But I’ve recently had an epiphany. Yes I just used that word….but it’s true. I’ve realised, finally, that I might never ever be happier than I am right now. I might be thinner and we will very probably be in a better financial state, but who knows what else might accompany that? We are all getting older, the world is seemingly a bit shakier….. Who knows what could happen? Illness and death are inevitable parts of life and our family won’t escape that. So who cares if you’re rich and thin, then? Right now my family are healthy and happy. We can afford the mortgage (we HAVE a mortgage) and we can eat and drink. I am surrounded by love. I couldn’t be luckier. If my life never gets better than right now then that’s 100% fine by me.

Because compared to families suffering from grief and loss, my life is the epitome of perfect. That comparison is not the thief of joy.

Masses of love to the people of Manchester. And if, you know, you want to like…. Then do just hold those dearest a little closer tonight. XXXXX
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