Thursday, 30 June 2016

There Was One In The Bed....

Do you share a bed? Do you share a bed with your partner or child or pet? As adults it’s quite normal to share a bed with someone or something isn’t it? I do. I share a bed with one of my three cats. Sometimes another one will sleep on my feet too. But I don’t share with anyone else. NO ONE. No humans. And to be honest, it’s only because I love my puss so much that I feel too guilty to tell her to cock off. She sleeps right by my pillow.

But I do not share a bed with my husband OR my kids. Ever. Nope. No sireeeeeee!

I used to be good at sharing a bed. But then I used to be good at sleeping. And I guess I was drunk a lot more in those days. As a teen you can sleep through anything can’t you? And sharing a bed with all and sundry was almost a prerequisite. Most of the time you’d fall unconscious, fully clothed and stinking after over-indulging on some substance or other (or was that just me?). And in fact this sleeping anywhere, through anything, carried on well into my student years. I think it’s the only way I coped with camping at Glastonbury the few times I went back in the ol’ days. Because I sure as shit don’t do “camping” these days.

As a kid I could never a share a bed. I’d be forced to share sometimes on weekends away with my snuffly, kicky, open-eyed-sleeping, annoying younger brother for example. I would be DISTRAUGHT if I was ever forced to endure staring at his zombified face for all the night hours! Thankfully this wasn’t a frequent occurrence.

But once you enter the big bad world of adulthood your grip on sleep becomes harder to retain. Whether it’s the increased responsibility of paying your own way, the early mornings from actually working at an actual job, or desperately fighting off the wafts of existential guilt by not wanting to “waste the day” on weekends. Add kids into the mix and you can kiss goodbye to feeling anything other than perma-pooped for the next 10-15 years. Sleep becomes such a precious commodity that sometimes you’d consider selling your youngest just for an extra 10 mins snooze in the morning (or….again, just me?!).

And so, as an adult, with young kids, a job, responsibilities …..Why on EARTH would you want to SHARE your bed?! To limit your space, to guilt you into rigidity, to steal covers from you, to oppress your need to breathe noisily through your nasal passages (ok, I mean snore) …..Why?!

OK so when my bubs were tiny-tiny I would sometimes doze off next to them after a feed but never for very long. Once they got to the wriggly stage they were put back in the cot….allowed back exclusively for cuddles, soothing or daytime. Even now if one of them has had a bad dream and they want to sleep in my bed, I’ll cuddle them until they fall asleep and then gently take them back to their own bed.

But my husband? No way. Oh yes, there IS that old thing….that “baby making” thing people do. My husband and I do that. We like doing that. And cuddles and kisses. We do that. And we like doing that too. But afterwards, we go to sleep in our separate beds which are side by side in our bedroom. And we can starfish and flail and get up for 20 thousand wees (ok I know that IS just me…) without the other one having a single dent in their REM cycle. It’s brilliant!

I know there are some crazies out there who love to cuddle up all night, love the warm feel of a hairy limb draped over one of their own less hairy limbs. But that’s not for us. And don’t get me wrong….we are very affectionate. That’s something I actually demand of everyone I ever meet. I flipping love a cwtch, me! We have cuddles and chats about the day every single night before bed. But then we sidle off to our own beds and get the best nights’ sleep we can.

I know people think we’re a bit odd. And I am quite sure that some may think it’s a sign of a relationship that’s doomed. But it’ll be our 10th anniversary next year. It works for us. And I am completely confident that not sharing a bed has contributed to us maintaining a happy, loving relationship.

So now, tell me….are you tempted to split that bed in two?










16 comments :

  1. Oh thank god, for reading this, we recently bought a new double mattress, so no single beds for a while, but that's what I would like, it dissent help that I like all the blankets regardless of the weather and he likes a zero tog duvet, even in winter. thank you, it's not just you :)

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  2. I cosleep with my little boy - and love it - MUCH better than sleeping with any man! I went away last weekend though ansd loved my own double bed, so I am tempted now! Kaz x

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  3. I don't mind co sleeping with my baby but I'd love to get rid of hubby lol. Sleep is so precious these days that yes I would like to cherish it x

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  4. I don't share my bed at the moment, but whenever I can I love sharing the bed. I sleep better and turn less when I cuddle up to someone. x
    http://www.cutepandaa.co.uk

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  5. I have recently bought a supering bed, and have to admit it is much better when sharing it with someone else. At 6ft wide I have room to roll over entirely a nice spot - the cooler spots which I need to turn on to several times usually when going to sleep. Mind you, I still love sleeping on my own. If I was married or had a full time partner I very probably would sleep in separate rooms too.

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  6. I share my bed with my husband and two kids! It's super king size though so I don't really know there! The ear plugs and eye mask help to block them all out! x

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  7. I'm so glad it's not just me! I always remember watching an old Hollywood movie as a little kid where the couple had twin beds, and telling everyone that's what I would do when I grew up. Nothing ever changed my mind. Most people seem really surprised when they find out we sleep in separate beds (I mean, not that it comes up often, but when it does), but it has so many benefits! x

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  8. Your cat is adorable! I am considering separate beds now! Sick of having covers wrenched off of me and a toddler's toe up my nostril. #fridayfrolics I miss sleep lol I love the tone of this post

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    1. She IS adorable! <3 Thank you Sharon! :D xxx

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  9. I think I sleep better now than I did before kids. Mainly because I'm so exhausted I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow! Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

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    1. Yeah that makes sense. I am rubbish at sleep. I am exahusted when I get to bed but my brain then goes PING! LET'S THINK OF ALL THE THINGS!

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  10. My husband got relegated to the spare room a couple of months back as the sleep deprivation reached it's all time low (or height?!) and things were working out just fine like that. But now the little one is in her own toom, we have reverted back to sharing and it's a bit restrictive haha. I love how you share a bed with your cat - very patient you are! #stayclassymama

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  11. Yes, I'm totally with you - do this too! I always hated bed sharing if I had to do it as a child. I accepted it as what you have to do in relationships as an adult, but I've always been a bad sleeper so was never ideal for me. Started being in separate beds to make it easier for me to breastfeed the babies at night & have then stuck with it after babies have gone to own rooms as sleep much better that way. #FridayFrolics

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    1. It actually makes me feel better when I hear other people do it too. It's seems like such a no brainier to me!

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  12. If it works, it works! I think I am the opposite of you, I have trouble sleeping without my boyfriend in the bed haha. Although I would love to stop co-sleeping with the baby as my shoulders and neck are sore every morning. I'm just afraid that if I stop breastfeeding him, he will not want to go back to sleep EVER. The boob always wins. Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!

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