Thursday, 21 July 2016

I'm Too Lazy To Be a Mum!




I’m not being funny, but I seriously think I am too lazy to be a mum. I don’t think I ever expected it to be so…. relentless. Like, it is literally non-stop, high alert from the minute your eyes ping open til the minute they are allowed to droop back down into blissful rest. Why didn’t someone WARN me? I didn’t sign up for this!

I signed up for a few early mornings, sure! I knew the first few MONTHS might be a bit tiring….what with all that feeding through the night rubbish but then they sleep through and it’s totally fine, right? Oh yeah there might be a few nights when they’re ill….but like, how ill can a kid be? And if they’re ill….that means they sleep MORE right?

But actually it’s a bit harder than that. It’s LOADS harder. SO firstly they don’t sleep. Well, not in the way you THINK they should. Looking back at my first child, sleeping and feeding in 3 hour cycles…. I used to think I was unlucky because he wasn’t sleeping through at 6 weeks! But he kept that routine for months and I got big chunks of sleep around the 2 night feeds. Sometimes not even waking for the day until gone 9am! NINE AM!!!! Can you imagine?!

And guess what? I WAS blessed (hashtag blessed!!!) with a second baby who DID sleep through from 6 weeks…… but she screamed from 6-10pm every night without fail. For months and months. And if she was ill, she wouldn’t sleep at all. Match sticks for our eye lids and Valium were on bulk order at that time….

But less naive parents know that kids will take a while to settle into a decent sleep pattern. Possibly a good few years in. I honestly thought that at least by 2 we’d be done with the crap sleep. Early mornings, yes. Crap sleep…really? Imagine my horror upon discovering that even at 6 they can be awake almost every night! Night terrors! Hooray!!!!!

Right so that’s sleep. But even if you expect sleep to be crap for endless years…..did you expect to be not only a washing slave, but a housemaid, cook, transport system, entertainment provider, banker, nurse, and firm but fair disciplinarian? I mean, I guess on some level I had some abstract notion that I would be some or all of these things at some point, maybe…. But the reality….woah! Every flipping second…… even if you are the scummiest mum on the planet and you do no washing or cleaning or like the bare minimum to not die or be naked, all the other flipping things!

Doing food 3 times a day every day AND thinking about their nutritional needs (while guiltily piling their plates with oven chips and frozen peas)!

Thinking of somewhere to take them for the morning/afternoon so they don’t spend the WHOLE day in front of the TV. Or even more impressive….on the very rare occasion you capitulate: you get the craft stuff out and end up putting it away again 5 mins after they started playing with it cos they instantly got bored…..

Trying to prise them apart with your pants half way up your legs cos they decided to start killing each other just as you dared to sneak off for a wee….

Fetching drinks and snacks ALL THE TIME. Usually when you’ve just sat down for a slug of cold coffee/tea and a Facebook scroll. I have to say….this is the bit that gets me the most. You’ve been fannying about all day taking them places, picking them up, clothing, feeding, cleaning, SOMETIMES entertaining them….you just want FIVE MINUTES and boooooom, there it is: “Mummy!!!! Can I have drink?” *weep*

I just want some time to lie around and do nothing again! Remember those weekends when you had huge swathes of glorious nothingness that you could fill up? I’d like a smidgen of that! I’m just too laaazzy for this shit!

I’ll let you into a little secret. I sometimes do it though. I sometimes take the day off work so that while my kids are at school/child-minder….I can go back to bed for a snooze, have a lazy hot coffee’d breakfast and then do whatever the hell I like. And I don’t feel guilty about it either. I think its super important that if you are feeling wrung out by the physical full-on-ness of having kids then you need a recuperation day too! I don’t do it often because despite all my moaning here, I do very much enjoy my kids company and I love hanging out as a family.

But sometimes lazy Mummies need some lazy time to do nothing too.

31 comments :

  1. It is absolutely relentless, that is definitely the word! Rewarding, yes, but so exhausting! Great idea to take a day to yourself here and there, you absolutely deserve it x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, this is brilliant. I am going to channel your super sensible 'taking a day off when you need to recuperate' I think. At some point... when I am not so exhausted that I can actually think straight! Hoping it gets easier once school starts (still over a year away for my oldest, NG). It is DEFINITELY relentless! #FridayFrolics

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does definitely get easier. People with even older kids say (unkindly) "Oh wait til you hit...(insert older age here)" but actually, once you can grab some time for yourself in between the OMG FULL ON-NESS then your ability to cope also improves. Thank fuck. ;)

      Delete
  3. Relentless is my go-to term when moaning about just how bloody hard it is! It's 24/7, non-stop. No days off. Today (sorry to share this with you but it needs airtime), during breakfast my toddler nipped off for a poo, requiring me to wipe her bum. Then the baby did a runny poo. During lunch, EXACTLY THE SAME THING! It's just not fair. God love them. #stayclassymama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh god! I have been there! And then stared daggers at my husband when he's had the cheek to walk through the door after work and snuck off for his own half hour defecation! I don't think so matey!

      Delete
  4. Just popping back for #FridayFrolics too 😊

    ReplyDelete
  5. All this, then people without kids will say, Oh I need a break, or I just don't have time for X.... WTF! Loved this post, your writing style is awesome, I get everything you're saying and makes me LOL! #StayClassyMama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why thank you! :D I can't even with people with no kids and tiredness.... just no. :D heheh!

      Delete
  6. This is so true. It's never ending. I love that you take a day off to be lazy. Thanks for linking up to #FridayFrolics

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is relentless isn't it! I think it's so important to have mummy time to recharge

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is a brilliant read, I feel totally the same I sometimes take my little one to parents and have a bath and a hot cuppa I feel so guilty about it but everyone needs some time to themselves xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. I know how do you feel as I always get this from my wife. I also spent my weekends taking care of my 2 year old baby girl and it really exhausts me a lot. Still, I love being a parent and my wife loves being a mommy. Really rewarding!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh completely! I love my babies! I just also love sleep!

      Delete
  10. Ah I love this - I'm only 15 months in and it's relentless indeed...the other day we had our Nanny booked to take Emma for the afternoon and then I realised that my OH had the day off work. So we just went out for a massive lunch, and I don't even feel remotely bad about that, except for my mum called and caught us in the act! #stayclassymama

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hehehe! Sounds lovely though. Can't remember the last time me and my husband did lunch!

      Delete
  11. I agree with all you have said. Motherhood is hard. Plain and simple.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Gosh I know having kids is hard work and I guess it's one of the reasons were waiting to start a family. I think you have a point, it's a matter of wanting to spend time together and everyone, including yourself, being happy about it rather than it being a chore. Nothing wrong with wanting some time for yourself once in a while x

    ReplyDelete
  13. Haha I can relate , well when it comes to sleeping anyway. Poor you, I guess you never know what parenting is going to be like until you do it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Aww, I remember these days!! It does get easier though. It must do as I went on from being worn out with my 1st to having 4 children :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wowsers! Thank you. :) It's nice to hear a mum say that actually! xxx

      Delete
  15. Haha! Yes, it is relentless! I like your strategy. Sadly, I am a SAHM to two toddlers, neither of whom go to any kind of day care, so I can't quite manage to pull off that one! Still, it's all worth it, even though I never sleep!

    Thanks so much for linking up with #FridayFrolics. Hope to see you next week!

    ReplyDelete
  16. LOVE this. I completely agree, taking a day off work to just be with yourself is key for keeping any sanity whatsoever. I had no idea about the sleep issue. LIKE WTF. I am really struggling with this right this moment, my son is now almost 8 months old and is still waking up every two to four times a night. I stopped breastfeeding as I am back at work and I thought that maybe he was waking up for the boob, NOPE. Now it's even harder to get him back to sleep because there is no boob. I am at the end of my rope. Big measures will need to be taken soon haha. Anyway, sorry for my ramble, but YES the sleep thing is absolutely ridiculous. Thanks for the honesty and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw it is mega hard. But i remember totally panicking around 8 months when Gus stopped sleeping well....i thought i'd broken his sleep pattern some how! I trawled the forums of Mumsnet to find out that it's totally normal, just a phase and they will sleep again. The Wonder Weeks app was great for putting my mind at rest when we'd go through humps! xxx

      Delete
  17. Completely and utterly relentless yes! And I hate to break it to you but the teenage years bring a whole new level of sleepless nights. Ugh. I seriously love that you have secret days off! You - we all - deserve them!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I Finally Got Helped  !! I'm so excited right now, I just have to share my testimony on this Forum.. The feeling of being loved takes away so much burden from our shoulders. I had all this but I made a big mistake when I cheated on my wife with another woman  and my wife left me for over 4 months after she found out..  I was lonely, sad and devastated. Luckily I was directed to a very powerful spell caster Dr Emu who helped me cast a spell of reconciliation on our Relationship and he brought back my wife and now she loves me far more than ever.. I'm so happy with life now. Thank you so much Dr Emu, kindly Contact  Dr Emu Today and get any kind of help you want.. Via Email emutemple@gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp cell number  +2347012841542 Website (https://emutemple.wordpress.com/)

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...