Sunday, 4 September 2016

Term time Mornings vs School Holidays

Term time mornings:l

5am: Cats wake up, have mental 10 mins, run up and down the stairs, fight each other, jump on parents heads. Parents shout at cats. Go back to sleep.

6am: 6 yr old bursts into bedroom and/or makes loud “playing” noises outside bedroom door to alert parents of presence.

6.05am: Parents shout at child to keep noise down.

6.06am: Child maintains levels of noise.

6.10am: One parent gets up scares child downstairs with sleep-riddled anger and promises unfettered use of iPad for half an hour more sleep.

6.45am: Alarm goes off in parents room.

6.50am: Snooze goes off.

6.55am: Snooze goes off.

7.00am: Snooze goes off, Mummy belts Daddy with pillow to turn it off and get up.

7.05am: Daddy wakes 2 yr old.

7.06am: Daddy & children have breakfast.

7.20am: Daddy drags Mummy from bed and alerts her to her need to parent.

7.25am: Daddy goes to work, Mummy looks at social media on phone through blurry eyes.

7.45am: Kids downstairs arguing, Mummy realises time, panics, gets in shower.

7.46am: Both kids come upstairs and into bathroom with requests for wees & drinks, arguments and to throw things in shower.

8.00am: Mummy leaves bathroom with kids in tow, arguing. Attempts to get ready.

8.05am: Mummy loses shit, screams both to get downstairs.

8.06am: 6 yr has strop, 2 yr is crying. Mummy tries to get ready.

8.15am: 6 yr has reluctantly gone downstairs. 2 yr old still crying. Mummy simultaneously has guilt and anger issues. Tries to finish getting ready.

8.25am: Mummy is downstairs. Kids are fighting. Thinks about breakfast. Does hollow laugh. Runs around like a blue-arsed fly. Asks kids to put on shoes and coats. Looks for keys, phone, purse, lunch money, book bag...everything she should have organised night before.

8.35am: Mummy now screaming at kids to put shoes and coats on, whilst putting hers on, sweating and raging at her own lateness and blaming the kids.

8.38am: Mummy puts kids coats and shoes on kids.

8.42am: Leave house for school. Late. Everyone is furious and crying.

9.15am: 6 yr old in school, 2 yr old at child-minder, Mummy nursing coffee at desk in work feeling wrecked but free.




























Holidays:

5am: Cats are bastards, parents yell at cats.

5.05am: Cats have woken 6 yr old. 6 yr old joins in with cats atrocious, attention-seeking behaviour.

5.06am: Dad threatens 6 yr old back to bed.

5.20am: 6yr old sneaks downstairs and plays on iPad. For hours.

7.25am: Daddy has got himself ready and breakfasted and off to work in relative peace.

8am: 2 yr old wakes, Mummy grabs her for cuddles in bed. 2 yr old is giggly and wriggly and bashes Mummy’s face lots of times and shatters her illusions of sleepy lie-in cuddles.

8.05am: Mummy gives up, gets up, has wee, cleans teeth all with 2 yr old commentary.

8.10am: Mummy gives 2 yr old breakfast, 6 yr old is grumpy and overtired and demanding second breakfast.

8.11am: 2yr old looks at 6 yr old. All hell breaks lose and everyone is fighting and crying.

9.00am: Kids are still fighting. Mummy on second pot of coffee.

10.00am: Kids are still fighting. Mummy tries several “activities” that won’t end in fighting.

10.01am: All activities end in fighting. Mummy goes for shower. Kids follow.

10.15am: Kids still in Pjs. Kids still fighting. Mummy wet, in towel, stares desolately out at the rain. Questions her decision to have kids.

11am: Takes kids out to argue in public. Stay out allll day to avoid cabin fever and murder.

5.29am: Mummy and kids arrive home, ravaged.

5.30am: Daddy comes home, nerve-jangled Mummy runs upstairs to hide in bedroom with lap top and draws breath to prepare for bed time routine.


31 comments :

  1. Brilliant! and terrifyingly accurate :/ One day, I keep telling myself, one day i'll get to sleep past 6am!

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    1. YOU WILL! YOU WILL! I hope. I hope we will... pleeeeeeeeease god!!!! :D

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  2. The answer is either chocolate or wine - or both!

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  3. hilarious- the bastard cats! Too funny. We have similiar styles. Come see me at www.fourprincessesandtheheese.com I am subscribing to this for sure :)

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    1. Exactly what I said on your post too! We are twins! :D Xxx

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  4. Getting out of the house to maintain sanity sounds very familiar!!! I've resorted to soft play in the two hours between nursery and my husband finishing work!

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    1. Yup...i thank god for soft play regularly!

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  5. I think wine helps but obviously not at 9am

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    1. hahah yeah that's early even for me.... :D

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  6. Damn it! I thought it would get easier when they were older, still no lie ins eh? Ugh ; ). One day, when I buy a hotel room for a week by myself, I WILL have a lie in. Totally can relate to the manic morning and starting at 6am, IT. IS. HELL. And I only have one little baby. It's just he doesn't sleep through the night STILL at 8 months and I work full time. Meh. How do you do this with 2 kids?? Anyway I love how you have carved this all out, completely can relate. Thanks so much for making me laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama! P.s. I love the photos!

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    1. hehehe my pleasure lovely! :D You just do manage with 2. You care 100% less about everything with the second which helps! Doesn't make getting out any easier. Btw my oldest didn't sleep through properly until recently. Something would wake him, wet bed, bad dreams, night terrors etc. Joni has slept through from 6 weeks. You never know what you're gonna get! So don't worry too much. xxxx

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  7. Lols, this made me laugh! My kids are older but I still have one school run and it manages to be chaotic most of the time! School hols are much nicer because my 14 year old just does her own thing :)

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    1. Yeah I can't work out if i am looking forward to teen years or not...because HORMONES! heehehe!

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  8. Hehe, I can relate to this but I have a dog! You can guarantee when I get chance of a lay in my dog is up early, grr typical ..

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    1. hahaha! It's the cats that wake me the most! But we love them so it's ok.... ish.... :D

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  9. Yes, yes, yes - minus having a daddy. And we lost all our cats :( Great post hun. Kaz x

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    1. Aw boo. Get more cats....or not if you value sleep... :D Xxx

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  10. We've got all this to look forward to next year! The nursery run isn't so bad at the moment!! ;)

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  11. Haha! I loved this! Just like a mirror image of our house! And my two kiddies are 6 and 22 months :)
    Thanks for joining in with #MMBC. Hope to see you next week xx

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    1. I am not very prolific so maybe not! But i'll see how motivated i get! Xxxx

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  12. Ha ha. This is brilliant and so accurate. My Little Miss H started pre-school last week after three years of just being at home with me. Our mornings are now very very different. Hugs Lucy xxxx

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  13. Wow I'm surprised the kids still wake up at 5am in the holidays! xD

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    1. Surprised isn't the word I'd use....hehehehe! :D (gutted is actually nearer the truth!)

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  14. I don't have cats but I do have a 3 and half year old who has woken me up at 5.30 almost every morning for the entirety of his life... WHY?! >.<

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    1. Oh gosh! That's haaaaaaard! Mega sympathy! :'(((((( Xxxx

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  15. hahaha how true is this post? I love it! So much symptahy and love going out to you!

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  16. Having kids is a fun and tough job. From infant to toddler, is basically the tough stage. Sleepless night then when they're about to walk, you'll get plenty of exercises trying to chase them. It's an emotional roller coaster really but it's an adventure I look forward to every time as from here I get to know them better and have quality time.
    http://www.grabmyessay.com/

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